Confidences and Comparisons
by PhoenixRising360
Summary: Moving Forward series, part 2/4. Tony confides in Tim.


Author Note: I just wanted to say thank you for all the favorites, follows and comments from _Push_. When I first wrote that story, I didn't expect it to grow into a series but it took on a life of its own. This series is what I hope will be a satisfying, if perhaps bittersweet, send-off for Tony if I don't like what the show writers do. There will be four stories total in the series.

CONFIDENCES AND COMPARISONS

Tony DiNozzo checked the time on his phone and took a deep breath. Tim should be here anytime. Tony was grateful Tim could actually make it tonight. Delilah had to work and he could finally have this conversation with Tim. He'd been psyching himself up for it for two weeks, but he admitted to being nervous. He and Tim had become closer, but Tony couldn't help being apprehensive. It wasn't often he voluntarily shared anything personal with anyone, but this was affecting the team, and he needed another point of view by someone who was there. By the looks Tim sometimes gave Gibbs, Tony couldn't help but believe maybe Tim could see what was happening before their eyes.

The knock on his door distracted him and he answered it, glad the food arrived on time. As Tony set up the Chinese takeout on the counter, there was another knock at the door. Right on time, not that Tim would be anything but punctual.

Tony let him in and they exchanged greetings even though they'd sat beside each other all day. Tim joined Tony in the kitchen to fix their plates and ate at the island in the kitchen. Too hungry to talk, companionable silence lasted until the food was eaten, then they lightly teased each other as leftovers were put away. Tim started washing their few dishes without being asked, earning him the nickname McPerfect-Guest, which made Tim laugh even as he rolled his eyes.

As the two men went to the living room to sit down, Tim looked at Tony and addressed what was uppermost on his mind. "You're leaving, aren't you?"

That was the first time Tony had heard the words out loud and it startled him, even though he had thought them many times himself in the past few weeks. For the first time since he asked Gibbs if they needed to talk and got that blank look in return, Tony felt like the crushing weight on his shoulders was eased, like he wasn't the only carrying it. "Yes," he said softly.

The pensive, expectant, wary, tense posture Tim had carried when he asked the question melded into a distraught acceptance. Tim rubbed his hands down his face and for a second, Tony thought Tim might cry. After a moment, he realized that he wasn't going to, but he sure looked like he wanted to.

Tim's grim countenance lasted only a moment before he exhaled in a huff. "Crap," he muttered, resignation, disappointment and something else Tony couldn't name filled the word he spoke. Tense silence filled the room and Tim looked lost in thought. "When you asked me to come over, I was afraid you were going to say that." Tim fell back into silence that seemed to drag on.

Tony never did like silence. He always felt people could read his mind in silence and that made him uneasy. Finally, he raised an eyebrow at Tim. "Not gonna try to talk me out of it?" Tony had wanted to add a McNickname but between the look on Tim's face and the fact that he wasn't trying to talk Tony out of it, he couldn't think of one.

Tim looked up then, obviously pulled from his reverie. He sighed and his body slumped. "Part of me wants to but I'm not blind. I've seen what's happening. I couldn't ask you to stay when Gibbs is determined to make you miserable if you do."

Tony blinked in surprise. Up until now, he hadn't even been sure Tim had really understood just how bad he felt but apparently Tim noticed. For the first time in longer than Tony could remember, he felt validated, like his perceptions weren't the machinations of his insecurities playing tricks on him.

"Never wanted to leave, Tim," Tony said quietly, trying to modulate his voice so it wouldn't break with all the grief that welled up.

"I always thought Gibbs would retire and you would be team lead and I would be your SFA again," Tim said.

"Didn't think you'd want to be my SFA after last time."

Tim grimaced. "I won't make excuses for the things I said and did back then. I was an ass. You know it, and I know it. I was fooled by your act. I now understand why you did it, but it took me a long time to get over it once I figured it out. Now…" Tim trailed off, a flash of pain crossed his face. "Now, it's different. The…the team dynamic is different. Things have calmed down some and maybe…Maybe we've all grown up."

"Yeah," Tony whispered before clearing his throat. "We have."

They fell into a tense silence for a long moment, thinking, before Tim broke it. "Has he said anything at all? Giving you the cold shoulder doesn't make sense."

Tony held Tim's gaze for a moment, seeing that Tim really wanted him to confide the secret, like he thought or at least hoped that Tony knew.

Tony rubbed his hands down his face before straightening and meeting Tim's eyes. "He's questioned why I'm still around instead of taking a team lead before."

Tim frowned and he was quiet a moment before he asked the burning question. "Why did you stay?"

Tony gave the only answer he could. "Because he needed me."

"It's true," Tim said quietly. "He wasn't the only one. None of us would've lasted on his team without you, and Ziva probably would've lasted the longest, maybe, if she didn't kill him first."

"He's better with Bishop. He has mellowed some," Tony acknowledged.

"Not much," Tim said. "He's still a bastard."

Tony snorted and a small smile crept up on his face. "Yeah, he is. But you're strong, steady and you're competent. You can handle being SFA."

Tim sighed. "I know. It's just…" He trailed off again, a slight blush on his face.

"What?"

Tim shook his head. "Nothing. It's just gonna be weird without you."

At least someone thought so, Tony thought, and while he was sad about leaving, he couldn't help but be a little bit pleased at Tim's reaction. It made him feel better.

"Look at it this way, Probie, you won't have to worry about me pranking you anymore. Your promotion to SFA will be permanent." Tony smiled at the thought. Tim deserved a promotion, and Tony was happy he would get one and the smile reached his eyes.

"I know," Tim said, "but it won't be the same."

"No. No, it won't," Tony agreed, his happiness fading into a melancholy acceptance.

"What will you do?" Tim asked.

"I have some feelers out."

"You're not staying with NCIS?"

"I might if Vance has something to offer me that's not in the job postings. If not, then yes."

Tim snorted. "He's not likely going to offer you anything but Agent Afloat." Tim scowled at this thought. "Although, he does respect you more now than he used to so maybe not."

Tony rolled his eyes. "There will never be any love lost between the Toothpick and me. I would rather eat my gun than be Agent Afloat again."

"Don't blame you," Tim agreed. "I at least have a doctor signing off on me never being assigned as Agent Afloat."

"Never found your sea legs, huh?"

"Not for lack of trying," Tim insisted. "I tried to overcome it, even went to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. The ENT said that he believed there might be an inner ear deformity that prevents me from being able to overcome the motion sickness."

"That really sucks, Tim. Agent Afloat sucks but it's really good experience."

Tim nodded. "I know, but it is what it is."

Tony nodded. "I was thinking that if there was nowhere in NCIS I wanted to go, I might go back to a police department."

Tim's head jerked up in surprise. "Metro?"

"Probably not Metro," Tony conceded reluctantly.

"But that means leaving DC?" Tim's shock was written all over his face.

Tony stared at Tim a moment, reading his thoughts as though they were spoken aloud. Tim always did wear his heart on his sleeve. He never thought Tony would leave DC. For that matter, Tony never thought he'd leave DC but right now he was seriously considering it.

"Yeah, Tim, I might leave DC. If Vance has somewhere for me to go, I'd probably leave anyway."

"But…" Tim started to say and then abruptly closed his mouth.

"But what?"

"What about us?"

"Us?"

"Abby, Ducky, Palmer, me…and Gibbs?"

Tony snorted. "Gibbs can't wait to see the backside of me walking away."

"The team, maybe, but out of his life? Have you talked to him?"

"Tried. He won't reciprocate."

"Bastard," Tim muttered, his voice biting in a way Tony had seldom heard, even when they used to snipe at each other.

Tony huffed. "He's made it clear he doesn't want me around anymore." Just saying the words out loud hurt. "It's…It's time to move on. I've reached the point where I'm okay with that."

"You are?" Surprise was back.

"Yes. I've been doing this a long time. But look at me, Tim. I'm in my mid-40s, and what do I have to show for it? No wife, no kids, just a job that eats all my time and friends who are drifting away if not running as fast as they can."

"I'm not."

"No, you're not," Tony agreed and his face recovered from its sadness long enough to offer a small smile. "This is why I'm telling you first."

Tim blinked. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Wow!"

"You've been a good friend to me, Tim…ever since…" Tony trailed off, realizing that he didn't want to finish the sentence.

"Ever since?" Tim prodded, never content to let Tony off the hook.

"Ever since Ziva left," Tony declared, dragging her name out of the protective bubble he held it in.

Tim swallowed hard. He seldom mentioned Ziva either as his emotions were as mixed as everyone else's. He didn't exactly know how his compared to everyone else's but he'd never asked and never planned to.

"Took you a while, but you figured me out and it seems it was at a time I needed to be figured out."

"Gibbs always did."

"Maybe," Tony said, though his posture radiated uncertainty.

"You don't think he has?"

"Used to maybe. Now, not sure of that."

"What happened to you two?" Tim asked.

"God, I don't know," Tony said, sitting up and holding his head with his hands. "I really don't know. He won't tell me and anytime I ask, he shuts me down. I think I finally understand what his ex-wives were talking about all these years."

"You're comparing yourself to an ex-wife?" Tim exclaimed, disbelief in his voice.

Tony laughed. He couldn't help it. "Okay, that was a bad comparison," he said through his chuckle.

"Really bad," Tim agreed.

"But in a platonic, I've known the man for 16 years, saved his life multiple times, had my life saved by him multiple times, put up with his crap longer than all of them combined, I do kinda get what they meant."

"Yeah," Tim agreed, not saying more, not sure what more could be said.

Tony sighed. "I just hope when I do leave, Gibbs will really talk to me and we can part amicably, in a good place."

"Me too. You know him better than just about anyone, don't you?"

"No idea. I don't know who he knows outside of work besides Fornell."

"Oh," Tim sounded surprised.

"What? You thought we were friends?"

"Well, yeah, I thought you two used to hang outside of work."

"We used to now and then, not in a long time."

"What happened?"

"Again, no idea. He stopped issuing his version of an invitation."

"He's changed. A lot."

"And not for the better."

"No, not really." Tim sighed.

"If I tell you something, do you promise to not tell anyone else I said this, not even Delilah, not Abby, no one?"

Tim stared at Tony for a moment, hesitating, and then finally nodded. "I promise."

"I think Gibbs should've already retired."

Tim blinked once, twice, and then a third time as he absorbed the significance of Tony's words. Then, he frowned. "I'm surprised at you, Tony. I know you feel like Gibbs wants you to leave, but I didn't think you would be spiteful about it."

"Huh? What?" Tony frowned. "That has nothing to do with Gibbs wanting me to leave."

"Then why do you think Gibbs should've already retired."

"Because he should've. He changed long ago, Tim. I actually thought he was going to retire a couple of years ago, but then we met Bishop and…" He held up his arm as though the rest was self-explanatory.

"Yeah, he took her under his wing in a way he didn't with Ziva, or Kate, or me."

Tony bit back a response that would be neither kind or productive. He had seen how Gibbs had taken Bishop under his wing, but even that didn't compare in scope to how Gibbs had taken him under his wing. Gibbs had never taken anyone under his wing the way he had taken Tony before or since. He sensed Tim already knew that, at least somewhat, so saying so would be uncouth at best. Not that Tony ever did couth well outside of a professional capacity, but he could when he felt it was warranted. The fact that Tim had left Tony's name out bespoke that. He wouldn't rub it in.

"I'm going to miss you, Tony," Tim said, resigned to the future.

"I'll miss you too, Probie."

Tim smiled a little at the nickname. Tony usually only called him that when he was teasing or as an endearment and after all this time, he had learned to appreciate its significance.

"Anything I can do to help? Job searches? Do you know what you're looking for or where you want to go?"

"Kinda," Tony nodded. "I decided I want a job where I likely won't have to deal with terrorists. After The Calling…I just don't want to do that anymore."

Tim nodded. "Hmm, that leaves out Homeland, and a lot of NCIS."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'll look around and see what I can find. Any special location?"

"Here if there's anything, but if not DC, definitely a big city."

Tim nodded. "Forward me a copy of your resume and then I can cross reference it with jobs."

Tony chuckled. "Will do, McGeek."

"So you haven't told Abby yet? She's going to be mad you didn't tell her first."

Tony shrugged. "Speaking of Abby, have you noticed anything different about her lately?"

Tim hesitated and then his brow furrowed in thought. He remained quiet for a bit before finally saying, "No. She seems the same to me. Why?"

Tony huffed. "She just seems…distant toward me now."

"How so?"

"I don't know…last few times I went to visit her, it was like she couldn't wait to be rid of me."

"We have been busy with cases, Tony. She works alone. You know how she gets when the pressure is on."

"Oh, I know, and at first I chalked it up to that," Tony allowed, "But even when the pressure wasn't on, she just seemed…" Tony trailed off, no longer sure if he was just being oversensitive, insecure or whining because she wasn't paying any attention to him.

"Tony, I really don't think it's personal. Talk to her."

"I plan on it, just wanted to know if it was just me or if anyone else had noticed a change in how she treats me."

"She hasn't had as much time for our usual gossip," Tim allowed, "but I chalked it up to work. The last few cases had a ton of evidence to process. She and I haven't even talked that much now that I think about it." Tim's brow furrowed like he was thinking hard.

Tony sighed, niggling doubts still nipped at his mind but he nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks." Tim and Abby had always had a bond that he and Abby didn't so if Tim didn't believe there was an issue, there probably wasn't. Still, he couldn't shake that maybe there was something wrong.

"You'll stay in touch when you do go, right?" Tim asked.

"Of course. There's Skype, and e-mail and phone."

Tim smiled. "I may need to call for advice on SFA stuff."

"I've taught you most of it already."

"I really meant the handling Gibbs portion."

Tony chuckled. "If you feel you're right, stand up to him and don't back down. And when he yells at you for it, remind him that I would do the same thing if I was there instead."

Tim nodded. "That might work."

"The point is to stick by what you believe in. Gibbs respects that, even if he glares a hole in your head while you're doing it."

Tim nodded, already knowing that to be true. Tony wouldn't be there to deflect the glare. That thought made him a little nervous and it showed.

"Relax, Tim. You've worked with him a long time. It may take some time for you both to hit your stride, but he respects you and you will. Just might not be easy at first."

"Or ever," Tim blurted.

"Maybe not, but you've watched me handle him for years, you will just have to figure out your own style."

"Yeah, true." Tim sighed. "What about Abby?"

"I'll talk to her soon."

"She's not going to like the idea of you moving away."

"I know."

"Or leaving NCIS."

"I know."

"Or…"

"I know," Tony interrupted. "But this isn't about her."

Tim sighed, "I know."

"You know what I'll miss most?" Tony said, a small smile on his face.

"What?"

"Having my probie to order around."

Tim rolled his eyes. "With your qualifications, you will probably be in a leadership role and have lots of probies to order around."

"Yeah, but none of them will be [i]my[/i] probie," he emphasized the word 'my.'

Tim smiled. Technically, Ziva had been his probie though he and Tony had both shared in the responsibility of training her and it seemed that Ellie was mostly Gibbs' probie, though he and Tony pitched in with the things Gibbs demonstrated no patience for. Yet, there was no question that Tim was truly Tony's probie.

"I want us to stay in touch after you leave, Tony," Tim said quietly. "I'm just afraid we'll get too busy and drift apart."

Tony felt a chill go up and down his spine as he had the same fear. "Let's work at not drifting." Even saying it, he wasn't sure how long they would not drift, but despite that, he wanted to try.

"Abby will stay in touch too," Tim pointed out. "Maybe we can all Skype together."

"That'd be fun!" Tony smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

They talked a little longer until Tim decided he should head home since they both had work in the morning. As Tony walked Tim out, he sighed again. "Hey, Tim?"

Tim turned back to look at Tony. "Yeah?"

"Keep this between you and me for now, okay? I don't know how long it will take me to find another job. I'm not in a particular hurry, want to find the right one."

"I won't say anything. Just send me your resume so I can help, okay?"

"I will. Thanks, man."

They said their good nights and Tony breathed a huge sigh of relief after he was gone. That had gone even better than he had hoped for. He had made the right decision talking to Tim first. He could only hope the conversation with Abby went even a quarter as well; that is, if she still cared enough to talk to him at all.


End file.
